Tools of the Incompetent

Sometimes you find pearls of wisdom in the most unlikely places.

Last week while watching So You Think You Can Dance, one of those pearls dropped into my lap. The unlikely giver, the unlikely setting, left my mind reeling. It was brilliant. Pure wisdom on a reality dance show.

A girl who had high hopes of getting into SYTYCD’s Top Twenty was cut from the competition. She was beautiful, shining, and while tears glistened in her eyes, she smiled, and offered wisdom:

“Excuses are the tools of the incompetent and I will not use them."

Holy Guacamole. Was that a pearl she just flung out there?

I had to hurry to write down the words, and then I spent some time googling them—wondering if the dancer had authored them herself, or perhaps she was falling back on wisdom someone else had given her.

There seems to be some dispute as to who the author of this wisdom might be, and in fact I could not find record of the exact line quoted above. Stephen Grayhm said “Excuses are the tools with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great monuments of nothing,” but I like the dancer’s line better.

I cringe whenever I hear dancers on the show, singers on American Idol, or people in regular every day life, offer excuses as a way to avoid consequences for their actions or choices. I used to be an excuse girl—who among us hasn’t tried them, right? But eventually I learned that I made so many mistakes that the excuses started to sound flat, even to my own ears.

The truth is, mistakes happen. As human beings, we are far from perfect and it shows. We make glorious, huge, life-altering mistakes. But the awesome thing about mistakes is that if we own them, claim them, and if we are willing to take a good, hard look at them, we can learn from them.

Learning never happens when our minds have built up walls of excuses around the truth.

Strangely, I am grateful for the mistakes I have made. Because of a poorly written first book, I strove to write again, to see if I could do it better. And again, and again. I am getting better, and it’s only because I haven’t hidden behind excuses as to why I wasn’t awesome to begin with.

Because of mistakes, I have felt the sweet swelling of love and forgiveness of my Savior and Father in Heaven. If I’d hid behind my wall of excuses, I might never have known how much They loved me.

And because I no longer making excuses for the poor choices my mother made, I’m able to see how I can pilot my life better.

No good comes from making excuses, while so much joy awaits beyond them.

Possibly Stephen Grayhm, but I’m not certain, wrote a poem related to the line given by the dancer on SYTYCD:

"Excuses are monuments of nothingness,

They build bridges to nowhere,

Those of us who use these tools of incompetence,

Seldom become anything but nothing at all."

I, for one, plan on being something, warts and all. How about you?

"Fear not, the future is as bright as your faith."
~ President Thomas S. Monson

Do You Know the Angel Within?

I am currently reading the book Finding the Angel Within by Pamela Hansen. It says it's a book about spirituality, body image and self-worth. I picked it up because I constantly struggle with being kind to myself and while I know that Heavenly Father loves me, sometimes I don't believe it.

Are you intimate friends with the angel within? Or do you get along better with your inner demon? I think I know my Angel. We've hung out together a few times. I like her--in fact, I like her a lot. But she's one of those people that's too good for me and really doesn't get how hard it is for me to be good.

However, my inner Demon is kind of like my best friend, though I have a love/hate relationship with her. I know she isn't good for me. I don't really like her very much--she's a bad influence on me and all that. I know that. But she's comfortable, like an old pair of jeans. When in doubt--Demon-girl is my friend.

Truman Madsen said, "The Lord gives us glimpses of ourselves. And in self-examination we are most blessed when we see ourselves as we are seen by him and know ourselves as we are known by him, then, knowledge of the Savior and self-knowledge increase together. In this world, we do not really grasp who we are until we know whose we are" ("The Savior, the Sacrament, and Self-Worth," The Arms of His Love [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2000], 246.)

Who are you? And to whom do you belong? Are you better friends with the Angel within, or are you far too familiar with your inner Demon?

I am a Daughter of God. It's time I acted like one.

6-7-8 Writers Conference

Today I was a lucky girl and got to go to Cedar Fort's (a publishing house) first ever writers' conference. It was a truly exceptional conference.

Most of it was, obviously, very 'writer' intensive. Doug Johnston, Abel Keogh and Janet Kay Jensen all spoke and provided really helpful information focused on promoting myself as a writer. Great stuff!

However, I thought I would share with you some tidbits from the keynote speaker, Eloise Owens. Ms. Owens is the creator of Momentum Selling, and the author of Get Off The Beach - What Legendary Surfers Know that Salespeople Need to Know ... Now.

The first thing that struck me as interesting was that she asked us to commit to being present during her time with us. Since I've been thinking a lot about living in the moment, that was pertinent for me. Also, she asked that we tell the truth. Later it became clear that what she really meant by that was that we be honest with ourselves and our audience because that's where the 'money', or sale lies.

I also thought that telling the truth and being present went hand in hand. If we are not wholly present, how can we tell the truth? We are not living our truth, but hiding from it, denying it.

Target Training International identified 23 attributes or qualities that professionals possess. Ms. Owens told us that the quality that made it to the top of the list was Self Management. In order to be successful in life you need to be able to know what gets you up on the morning, what keeps you working and what motivates you enough to get you up off your knees when the trials come and back to work.

Ms. Owens suggested we look in the mirror and be honest about what we see. Not the freckles on our face, or the gray hair, but the sort of person we are. What motivates us? She listed six types of attributes and suggested that everyone is all six, but that there is the one thing that gets us out of bed in the morning and something else, a second attribute that is our strength--and then there's the something that we really need to work on.

Have a look at the following six qualities and see which ones fit you best:

Theoretical ~ You love data, knowledge and information
Utilitarian ~ You demand results, you are practical and money focused
Aesthetic ~ It's the experience that drives you. You are artistic, driven by emotion and the need to create
Social ~ You long to change the world and influence others
Individualistic ~ You are a leader. You are focused on quality and you need to control your own destiny
Traditional ~ Your strength are your beliefs and you are systematic in your approach.

So which one of these attributes most motivates you each morning?

Which is your strength?

Where do you need to focus more, to build a strength from a weakness?

Ms. Owens spoke about the three sizes of waves: There's the whitewater--that frothy fun stuff that spins around our ankles and knocks against our bodies, but doesn't push us under. There's the outside--this is where most average surfers hang out. The waves are challenging, but there's still safety--these are comfortable waves. The third kind of wave is the Monster wave. This is the wave that only the best of the best will dare to take on, but that's why they are the best!

Milton Willis, famous accomplished surfer, said, "The bigger the wave, the quieter the ride." I'd say, it's like being in the zone. When all the tidbits on skill and technique are forgotten and you lose yourself to the moment--you just do it.

So, bring clarity to your life. Figure out where your strengths lie and what livens your heart and mind and then acquire the skills to achieve your dreams and then live it. Be present in your life, tell the truth about who you are and what you're here to do. Be great at whatever it is you're here for and then ... enjoy the ride!

Living in the Moment

Many people, women especially, have a tendency to multi task to a fault. Researcher abounds that indicates that multitasking actually produces negative resulsts--from poor performance (you can never accomplish one thing in truly excellent fashion) to mental side effects (hyperactive brain function.)

I've thought a lot about this subject since my sister brought it to my attention a few years ago. She had read a book--never can remember what she said the book was called and I've asked her to remind me so many times that now I'm embarrassed to ask again--in which they addressed our inability to live in our present moment to the fullest. The books aim was to teach you how to handle your problems better and to reduce stress in your life, and it did so by teaching you or encouraging you to live in the moment.

Heather and I discussed how even while she and I were having that first conversation I was cleaning the house, folding laundry, checking my email, etc. I didn't sit and listen and enjoy the conversation.

When people (read: women) make love to their partners, 90% of the time they are planning their day, making a grocery list, or berating themselves for things they forgot to get done that day. No wonder so many women can't obtain full satisfaction--they're too distracted thinking to allow their bodies the full enjoyment they deserve.

I notice this problem myself particularly when my husband or children are talking to me. After having this discussion with Heather, I realized that very often when my family is speaking with me, I am not wholly there. I am only partially listening, perhaps giving the greater portion of my attention to the television, or to the article I am reading, or the email.

So I have been making an effort over the last few years to live in the moment more consistently. It is very, very difficult. I'd be very curious to hear how you have done if you have also been making this effort, or to hear how you do if you care to take up my challenge: Practice living in the moment, start today. See how it changes you.

If someone is speaking to you, put down your book, mute the TV. Make eye contact. Absorb what they are saying to you and think about it.

When you make love, be there. Experience the moment. Don't think about it--there is nothing to think, but there is everything to feel if you are wholly present in the moment.

When your children come bounding in the door, interrupting your very-important-something, look them in the eye and be there for them. They will not be interrupting you for long--soon enough you'll be wondering how in the world to get them to talk to you! My own personal theory is that if I am willing to listen to them now, they will probably be more likely to listen to me then. At least, it's a bet I'm willing to make.

I bring this up because I'd been slacking off for a while so I'm recommitting myself to the live-in-the-moment philosophy.



I love this quote from Buddhist philosophy:

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

It's amazing how easy it is to multitask--in fact, it feels downright sinful to slow down and deny the need for speed. But the moments are much more likely to become memories, or healing, or inspiring, or even sacred. Who knows what will we will hear, or what we can discover, if we are here, if we are listening.

A Happy Family

Recently I expressed to you how much I depend on my husband, what a support and comfort he is to me. Today I went to apply for a job. I am so conflicted about this. I had the opportunity to apply for a position that could allow me to work for 30 hours a week and receive medical insurance for my family for a reasonable price. Considering the alternative, this would be a great blessing for us. BUT, I can't stand the idea of not being there for my boys.

Since I had a very special spiritual experience before I was married about the importance of motherhood, I have considered caring for my children to be THE job I was sent to earth to do.

I had spent my growing up years anticipating the career I would one day have. I was going to be a constitutional lawyer, perhaps even Prime Minister of Canada! Even after I was married, I enjoyed a lot of success in the jobs I held. I especially enjoyed a job that could have become a wonderful career in human resources; when I left the job I was the Human Resource Manager for a large locomotive manufacturer with over 1500 employees under my jurisdiction.

Yet, motherhood called, and I gave it all up to answer that call.

My children did not come easy, nor has it ever been easy for me to be a mother. Yet, I feel so strongly about it and feel immensely blessed by it.

Now, I may have to go to work to help my family bridge the gap a little bit. My dear sweet hubby does not want me to have to go to work, bless him. He feels his responsibility to provide for us as strongly as I feel to nurture this family. It would only be a temporary thing, yet I'm so worried about it! I worry that once I start working ... I'll be trapped.

David will not make me work a moment longer than I have to work. He will do all that he can in the meantime to ensure that I don't even have to start. President Hinckley said:

“I believe in the family where there is a husband who regards his companion
as his greatest asset and treats her accordingly;
where there is a wife who looks upon her husband as her anchor and strength,
her comfort and security; where there are children who look to mother and father with respect and gratitude; where there are parents who look upon those children
as blessings and find a great and serious and wonderful challenge
in their nurture and rearing"
("Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley" (1997), 205.

This is my family. David loves me and wants me to be home. He treats me like a Queen and only wants me to be happy. David is most assuredly my anchor and my strength. Together, we can weather this storm. Even if I do have to go to work.

Amazing Quote

"People grow old only by deserting their ideals, their faith. There is always the love of wonder, a childlike appetite for what is next, and the joy of your life. You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear or despair.

“In the center of our heart is a recording chamber, and so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage, and faith,
so long are we young”
(Elder David B. Haight, Ensign, Nov. 1983, p. 25.)

I came across this quote while researching my article today for LdsBlogs.com. Isn't it lovely? I read it to my husband and he said, "wow, that's perfect for right now, isn't it?" I think it's perfect for EVERY now. I hope you like it too!

(I'm going to start a new labels for Amazing Quotes. I can't do Quote of the Day 'cuz I'm just not on the ball enough to keep up on that ... but from time to time I can definitely add an Amazing Quote or two!)