Forgiveness, Perfectionism and The New Year

I'm a fan of Flylady and today she sent out an email that I found particularly poignant for me. 

Do you ever look back on your life, on the last year, and have regrets? Flylady says that "regrets are just perfectionism in hindsight."

That was a bit of an 'a-ha' moment for me. Mainly because as soon as I read it, I recognized the bells of truth clanging in my head.

I am a perfectionist. It took me a long time to realize that I was a perfectionist, because I wasn't perfect at anything! I thought perfectionists were those women with the lovely, perfectly decorated, white-glove clean homes. I didn't think perfectionists every looked like me.

But, apparently, they do. 

Flylady also says that grudges are another form of perfectionism because they arise when we aren't treated the way we think we ought to be treated. Having just spent the last few days nursing a grudge against my sweetheart (which I've already let go of and sought forgiveness for) this one hit a nerve.

And Flylady offers a cure.

Forgiveness

We ask others to forgive us for holding grudges against them - for expecting them to live up to the unbelievably high pinnacle we can't reach ourselves. But have you thought about forgiving yourself? 

Forgive yourself for expecting too much of yourself. Forgive yourself for beating yourself up when you turn out to be ... ta da! ... only human.

Flylady counsels us to laugh every day, even if it's at ourselves. We are, never have been, nor will we ever be, perfect. So laugh, forgive, and be at peace. Flylady even has an affirmation for us: "One baby step at a time, peace is mine in 2009." 

So can I do it? Can I forgive myself for my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my imperfection? Can I laugh at myself, and learn to love myself, not just in spite of all of my yuck, but maybe even because of it? Because my shortcomings are part of what makes me, me, right?

My shortcomings highlight my strengths and bring gratitude into my life. I'm grateful for what I can do, what I am good at, even though there's so much I would like to be better at. I'm grateful for my shortcomings because they cause me to reach out for help, and my life is more rich because of the good people who help me out and lift me up. 

And if you didn't have your own shortcomings, there might not be any way for me to serve you, to be your friend, and that would be a real loss for me. 

So, yeah. I have a lot of things I'd like to do better in 2009. But, I'm not going to beat myself up for what I failed to do, or didn't do well, in 2008. I do love myself, and I will practice forgiving myself of always expecting too much of myself and of others. I like Flylady's affirmation, so I'm going to make it my own this year.

My baby steps include getting a hold of my home and all my to-do's, using the flylady system; getting my two completed works-in-progress tidied up and ready for readers and then submission. Others, too. Homeschool. Church stuff. But I'm not going to list them all, because I just want to be better, not perfect. Right?

A Closer Look Tag and FlyLady

When I did the Closer Look Tag, Stephanie commented:

"I'd say you have a very spotless home. Looks pretty good for a "tag" and I couldn't help but notice the "flylady" by your sink. So, have you always been so orderly or have you become more so having followed "flylady?" I used to try that but I got so many emails I quit."

So, I thought I'd answer her questions. Absolutely, undeniably I have not always been so orderly. I have always been, and still really am, a pretty terrible housekeeper. My house is relatively 'tidy' but I could not say that it is clean.

Flylady.net changed my life. I know that sounds awfully dramatic, but it's true. I found her when my babies were about 5 months old and I was drowning in mess. Her simple approach, her baby steps, toward cleanliness helped me to establish basic routines that allowed me get and keep my head above water.

From there I started to declutter and to organize rooms in my house one room at a time, fifteen minutes at a time, just like Flylady says. I've slipped off the bandwagon a time or two. And I've stayed off the wagon for months at a time. But I always end up going back to her.

Nowadays I don't do it all, just as she suggests. I take what I need and can use and leave the rest. I don't get the emails anymore, but now and then I'll start them back up if I'm having an especially difficult time getting back into the groove. It's true that it's a boat load of messages! But, for me, they helped, so it was a small price to pay.

I regularly repeat FlyLady's mantra "Even housework done incorrectly blesses the family." I choose to believe this wholeheartedly because otherwise I'd be doomed! Thankfully my family loves me anyway, even if my floors are not always spotless or there's still dust on the walls. But my sink is always shiney and my laundry is almost always done or at least not behind - hence why I looked good in the tag.

I love FlyLady!