Saturday, July 19, 2008

40 Somethings!

Ack! What have I done!

I tend to bite off a bit more than I can chew. With all the best intentions, of course! Like my 40 Somethings blog-craziness ... what was I thinking? So ... I can no longer vouch for my amazing story-telling abilities or the quality of the Somethings themselves (ha!) because I've got to get these done, boys and girls!

I remembered another funny from when I was like 11 years old or so. Ya ready? This pretty much sums up my need to be liked and the general neurosis that is, well, me.

So I was on my way home from equestrian camp (the best thing my Mom ever did for me--she had me take horse back riding lessons for several years including camp for much of the summer every summer for several years. I know it was very expensive and difficult for her but it was the love of my life and made me SO happy) one summer afternoon. The seats were crowded and my arms would rub against my neighbors because there just wasn't room to have space between us.

On this particular drive, this girl, my friend, said "Eww! Your arms are so hairy! And your eyebrows are growing together too!"


I had never really considered my eyebrows up until this moment, but I could barely stand the thought of anyone else looking at me because they must be just awful! Bride of Frankenstein and all that.

As soon as I got home, I ran up the stairs and straight into the bathroom. What did I do there? Well, I bet you can guess. Here, guess .... Did you guess?

If you guessed that I ran right upstairs, locked myself into my bathroom and shaved right down the middle of my eyebrows, you'd be totally right!

Not only did I take a razor and run it right between my eyebrows (which pretty much just left a small half of my eyebrows,) but I shaved my arms and my legs, because it was only a matter of time before someone noticed my hideously hairy legs too.

Oh yeah. If you thought I was sexy with my skin tight white jeans, you would have loved to have seen me after my advanced hair treatments. I was seriously H-O-T.

Of course my mom freaked. Not because I had done it, so much as that now she would have to teach me how to shave my legs for real and how to pluck my eyebrows.

Thankfully, I've completely blocked out how anyone else responded to my new trend-setting look. I'm sure it couldn't have been good. But then I moved into my new special look; that of the only eleven girl you'd ever meet with pencil thin eyebrows a la the fifties which is where my mom learned her beauty techniques.

And then Brooke Shields came out flaunting her gorgeously bushy eyebrows and I was pitiful with my tiny line of brow. Oh the shame.

When I was growing up my mom tortured me on my birthday by not even acknowledging that it was my birthday until 4:15 in the afternoon which was when I was born. Now that, seriously twisted.

Okay, back to thirteen. At thirteen I got my first real boyfriend. I'd had boyfriends before, but they were the kind of school boyfriends--you know, you hang out with them at recess and woo you're going steady. But now there was Zini and he was sixteen years old.

He was a dangerous boy (think James Dean) and introduced me to the dark side of life. Mom was working full time and going to singles dances very often and I was ... lonely. Zini and his crowd filled my need.

They were into drugs and drinking and all that stuff. I don't remember ever seeing parents at his house and he had this cool basement where we would all hang out. I'd tell you about what it was like there, but this is a relatively clean blog. The good news is that drugs and drinking didn't do anything for me. Yes, I tried them. But thankfully I didn't like them. I would sit with my friends while they did their things though. I'm sure there was some second-hand buzz that I enjoyed, but I don't remember.

What I do remember is Zini's sister telling me that she was glad I was Zini's girlfriend because I was a good influence on him. I wondered at that, since he was still not a good guy, but she said without me he was really bad.

That feeling that I was could sacrifice my own happiness for the good of someone else became a bit of a theme song for me and dictated my relationship choices for the next several years.

For some reason I didn't hang out with my best friend Laurie during the summer after elementary school. I got chubby. And my first year of high school I was lonely and fat and a far cry from the 'prettiest girl in school.' But toward the end of grade nine Laurie took me under her wing again and decided taht I should try out for the cheerleading squad with her.

It was a total fluke, but I loved Laurie, was grateful for the attention and since Laurie was cool, it made me feel a bit better about myself too. I trained for the cheerleading audition with her all summer long. I lost the weight, got fit and in grade ten I went back to high school a cheerleader, and with a few more friends than I'd had the year before.

And, I was a cheerleader! How weird is that? Can you pick me out? Ahh, nah. You wouldn't be able to because the pic is so small. But that's me on your far right sitting on the back of a girl.

Hmmm, hmmm. I'm feeling tapped out. What comes next?

For lack of any other inspiration, let me tell you about cheerleading in Canada. It is totally not like it is in the United States. We weren't well funded, so our uniforms were handed down year after year. Except we bought our own undies, thank goodness for that!

We weren't the most popular girls or the hottest girls (well, okay, maybe we were pretty darn cute,) we were just fun and peppy girls who liked to bounce around at sporting events. Oh yeah, and that's the other thing that was different about us ... we cheered at just about every sporting event. from track and field to hockey. Oh yeah, hockey. You try cheering at a hockey arena. Somehow, we managed!

Cats, Cats, we'll show them where it's at,
come on (clap clap)
come on (clap clap)
Cats, Cats, we'll show them where it's at,
come on (clap clap)
come on (clap clap)
The Cats are in the huddle, all dressed in brown in gold
The captain puts his head in, and this is what we're told...
WE'RE ROUGH (clap clap) WE'RE TOUGH (clap clap)
WE'RE READY (clap clap) TO FIGHT (clap clap)
WE'RE ROUGH (clap clap) WE'RE TOUGH (clap clap)
WE'RE READY (clap clap) TO FIGHT (clap clap)