Wizards R Us

So yes, my family and I are still playing Wizard 101. Like a few of you said--it is rather addicting. It's added a whole new element to our family life. However, the good news is, that we still do it together. 

Since it looms so large in our life now, two of my men have started blogs on the thing. I know, crazy, right? But I promised that I would promote them here, lol.

Xander is blogging again--about Wizard 101. He's got tips for players on where to find the best 'drops' or prizes you can win from bosses. Click here to visit his blog.

And David has a blog too--his is more a 'how-to' blog, I think. Check it out here.

Go here to get started playing Wizard--if you dare!

I Love . . . Charlie

Yeah, I realize that almost all my 'love-you's' are people, and that that's not so interesting, perhaps, to everyone else, but, it's what I love--the people in my life.

When I became pregnant with twins, it was a miracle. And then when I carried them to 35 weeks, that was an even greater miracle. 

The whole time they were in my belly, Baby B moved around regularly, busily kicking and bouncing from side to side. It was easy to find his heartbeat on the monitor, it was easy to feel connected to him. 

Baby A, however, found his spot in my tummy and stayed there, only moving his little hands and feet, but never changing his position, for at least two months. It was difficult to find his heartbeat on the monitor and because he rarely moved, I rarely felt him, rarely knew he was even there except for the pressure his head caused as it was pressed against my cervix for two-plus months.

Even though his Apgar score was 9:9 (excellent), it was standard procedure for twins to be rushed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for observation. His brother, Baby B, had much lower Apgar scores, so from the beginning I worried more for Baby B.

After a brief introduction to them, both babies were whisked away, and much to my surprise, it was Baby B who was brought to my room later that day. Baby A, it turned out, was having difficulty breathing on his own and was now ensconced in an isolette in the NICU.

Baby B was doing so well, he was allowed to room-in with me and we bonded instantly. Baby A, remained a mystery to me.

Baby A was not brought to me at all in my room. He was connected to too many monitors and tubes to be moved. I was not able to just pop down to see him whenever I wanted because I needed to be wheeled in a chair. 

I couldn't see him. Or, I didn't want to see him.

I let everyone believe it was the former, but in truth, it was in large part the latter that I did not see Baby A for three days.

When I did finally go see him, he was a stranger to me. He was nearly naked, so tiny and scrawny, his little hat pulled down over his eyes, so many tubes and wires strung around him like a mutant child that had grown strange spider legs. I didn't really want to hold him, but after some convincing by an angel, I did. 

Once I had overcome that first fear, that early resistance to this child I didn't know, I embraced him and had a hard time letting him go when it was time to go to my room. My husband gave him a blessing and it came to us that his name should be called Charles. He had a name now. No longer a stranger, he belonged to me.

But a day later, Baby B and I were released. Because we could not take a well-baby into the NICU with us, for a week afterward I was only able to see Charlie once a day. Meanwhile, Baby B (who still didn't have a name) were bonding and growing in love for one another. 

When it came time to pick Charlie up from the hospital, I was hesitant and nervous. Once again, he felt like a stranger. We had to learn how to remove and replace the Gavage tube that was his source of nourishment because he could not suckle sufficiently on his own. We had to learn how to do CPR on him in case he stopped breathing. I was terrified I couldn't properly care for him. He was breakable. He was vulnerable. I was not a perfect mother. And I was so afraid I couldn't do it.

It took another angel, this time my sister, to help me reconnect with Charlie. She came from Nova Scotia to help me care for the babies, and happened to arrive just the day before Charlie came home. I had been home for a week carrying for one baby, but I was really afraid of what it would be like once Charlie came home and there were suddenly two.

After that, things got better between me and Charlie, but the truth is, I never felt as connected to him, as I did to Baby B--who we named Alexander and called Xander for short. 

I held this truth in my heart like a dirty secret. No mother should have favorites--we all knew that. And yet, I didn' t feel as natural or as comfortable with Charlie, and I feared what it said about me.

me and charlie at about one month old

As Charlie grew, the distance between us remained. I did everything I could to hide it, to pretend, but I can't kid myself into thinking it wasn't there.

Charlie developed behaviors that only added to the distance between us. He favored his dad. He didn't like to be snuggled by me, and any other number of small little things that compounded the lack of closeness.

I have often prayed for him, and for myself, that we could come to love one another. That the boy inside him could shine. I received many promptings that have helped me bridge the gap between us, but still . . . he was so, so far away.

That is, until this year.

As you know, I've been homeschooling the boys this year. I don't know why or how the changes have happened, but it seems that our love has taken on a Superman persona and has managed to leap over tall buildings in a single bound. There is no distance between us now. I believe he knows that I love him. 

And, with the deepest gratitude, I know that I love him too. 

It has been a long journey for us, but like all battles hard fought, the victory is all the more sweet. Now when I hold him--when he lets me hold him--I cherish the moment, I drink it in. This is my boy. And my love for him has finally been sufficient to fill the chasm between us. 

And miracle of miracles . . . he loves me too.

Thoughtful Thursday ~ I Love . . . My Family

For some people, to say that you love your family is a given, a non-sequitur. But for me, it's a loaded statement full of forgiveness, time, patience, understanding and an abundance of love.

Because I not only love the little family I have created with my husband, but I love the family I grew up in, warts and all. And let me tell you, we had lots of warts.

From the beginning, I was not wanted.

My mom wanted an abortion, but my father wouldn't approve. So she had me anyway.

By the time I was four years old, my dad had left and my mom was stuck with me.

I am the baby by many years. My closest sibling is my sister who is eight years older than me. I have three brothers older than her. I was locked in closets for hours at a time and hung by my feet from a second-story window. All of my barbie dolls met untimely deaths by firecrackers or sledge hammers or motorcycle tires. 

And yet, I love my family.

My mom and I grew into a sort of dynamic duo. Classic co-dependency, I'm sure, but still . . . I loved her. I love her still. 

Many, many years later, the family is at loose ends. There is no father or mother anymore to keep us together. Too many differences in opinion, time and life experiences separate us, like a giant chasm even Evel Knievel would think twice about jumping.

And yet, during a crisis this past Christmas, a few of us came together, to help, to lift, to encourage, to love. Isn't that, after all, what families are for?

My brother knew to whom he could turn when the chips were down--his family. We didn't question that we would be there for him--we just were.

Families come in all shapes and sizes. There is not a one of them that is perfect, despite what we might think, or how they might appear. Every family holds heartache like a trembling bird in their cupped hands. The best of families manage to heal that bird and rejoice when they watch it fly away. The worst of families might have a different sort of image. 

But most families are just fumbling along, doing their best, hanging in. That injured bird? Well, it might be one of them, one of us, and we would never abandon it. We might not know how to help it, but we will try. And we will never forgive ourselves if we fail.

That's what families do. And that counts for something, doesn't it?

What do you think? 

I Love . . . My Husband

I am constantly amazed at the man who is my husband.

I am amazed that he is my husband. That he chose me, that he loves me, that he loves me still, despite everything. 

Sometimes when he says he loves me, I'll ask "Even though?" He always smiles, kisses me a little longer, a little deeper and replies, "Even though."

David is kind, generous, sympathetic and caring. He truly cares about other people and worries over their well being. He always assumes the best of people, including me.

David is tender, loving and romantic. On my birthdays he always comes up with a theme and spoils me rotten. Not only with gifts but with his time and attention. 

My man is quiet and unassuming, but he is the greatest friend to have on your side. The most tender sweetheart and attentive lover. 

Just a General Update :)

It's been a long time since I've posted about just regular ol' life stuff, so I thought I'd bore you with the trivial details of my life, because, of course, I know you're dying to know what's going on with me. Right? Yeah, you know you want it.

So, David just left for a long trip to Worcester, MA. That's pronounced "Whoost-ah" for all you non-Massacheutians (or whatever it is they call themselves.)

Our roof needs to be replaced.

Charlie is loving karate for the first time ever and it is just so dang cool! I believed that if we stuck with it and didn't let him quit, that he'd find his stride and come to like it but ... maybe I didn't believe enough, because I've still been pleasantly surprised and happy at the result!

Xan is loving karate, as usual, and was invited to try out for, and was accepted into, the schools' demonstration team. It means a lot more time at the studio, but it's all good. I'm super proud of him.

And I haven't missed a single karate class of my own since the beginning of the year! Huzzah! I rock. 

However, I have hardly been writing at all. I've been feeling ambivalent about my writing and doubting my abilities, my stories ... everything. For the first time in two years I don't have anything immediately ready for submission to the LDStorymaker's first chapter contest. I won for YA last year and the year before I placed second. This year? I might not even have the chance to 'place' at all since I might not even enter! I can't let that happen. I've GOT to get writing again.

I've just been so full of self-doubt and second-guessing and stuff. It's yucky.

I'm still homeschooling the boys and it's going really super great! And yes, I'm rather amazed that I am saying that and that it's TRUE! I even said the words out loud to my husband this week "I think I'll homeschool them again next year." I held my breath after I said it, waiting to feel that feeling that tells me no, that's the wrong decision, but ... I didn't. Instead the words rang with truth and rightness. My husband just bobbed his head and said that he just assumed I would.

Because really, it's going that well.

Charlie is a completely changed boy. Xander is reading and learning at the speed of light. The love and feeling of solidarity in our home has grown ten-fold, nay, a hundred fold. Huzzah!

And even though David has to travel a lot (about two weeks out of every month, it seems) he really loves his job and the people he works with and for. That is gold, right there. We're all looking forward to reconnecting tonight, and every night while he's away, on our online game Wizard 101. Xan said when we play together it's like Daddy isn't far away at all, and that is a really neat thing.

And there you have it ... a wee little update from my home to yours. Have a great day!

Gaming With Your Kids

A while back I read an enlightening article about gaming with your kids in, I believe, Canadian Living Magazine. Wish I could remember the author of the article so I could give him proper credit. Anyway, the author told of an experiment he tried, where instead of cursing the presence of video games in his kids' lives, he would embrace them, he would join them. 

At first he thought he was only checking out the games his kids wanted to play, but soon he found they could be fun. When his children discovered he was playing some of the games they were interested in, they were so excited. He began spending time with his boys playing video games, and the fun they shared became an addiction they could all get behind. 

I talked with David about this and whether he would consider playing games with the boys. My guys like medieval-style games best of all, and I wanted to find that type of game that was online, allowing multiple players to play together.

We have finally found a great, fun, safe game that we can all play, called Wizard 101. 

The boys had been playing it for about a week before David and I decided to join them. It was at the end of a school day, when I asked the boys for help in setting up my character. They flew out of their seats and ran to look over my shoulder at the computer. They helped pick my wizards' face, her clothes, her name. they were so excited, it blew my mind.

They couldn't wait to get on their own computers and start playing with me. The fellow who wrote the article mentioned how it was interesting to take the parent-turned-student role with your kids, and boy was it ever! They felt so proud to show my how to do things in this new world ... and were proud of me when I accomplished my first tasks. 

Now David is out of town and last night he texted me and asked if we wanted to play with him. We all got on Wizard 101 and played a few games together. What a wonderful feeling it was, to have Dad on the other side of the country, but yet we felt like we were together.  

I highly recommend that you put aside your video-game phobias and consider jumping into this wild, colorful world with your kids. Let them show you around, show you what they love, what they think is don't' like, and what they can do in their virtual world. 

It will give you amazing perspective into the world your children live in, and into their very hearts and minds. You might also discover, as we did, that it provides a vehicle to bring your family closer together, despite the miles, and even the years, that may separate you.

Charlie and Xander are Getting Baptized

Remember the Baptism Banner I made for the boys? What an amazing experience that has been. It has blessed our family and helped prepare the guys so well for their baptism. It's been wonderful. Earlier this month they each bore their testimony about their preparations; it was sweet to hear it from their prespective - a little payback, you know?

They have both earned their knights and are both feeling really excited and happy for their big day.

Yesterday I took them to the Salt Lake Temple to take their baptism pictures. It was a sweet experience with lots of wonderful teaching moments.

I love my boys with all my heart. They are my guiding lights, my own personal north stars.

40 Somethings #14

Don't forget! My birthday is in just a few days and so far no one has tried to win my heart with an awesome birthday greeting! Either ya'll don't love me (perish the thought!) or you're lazy. Nah, that couldn't be it! Come on, with all the creative types that read my blog? Surely someone can come up with a little poem ... something ... anything ... to make my day? I told you I'd give you a prize!

Ok, so back to the game.

When I was about 13, I lived in London, Ontario with my mom. My brother Richard, who I didn't know very well, suddenly out of nowhere invited me to visit him in Toronto. I rode the train to TO by myself (very cool, I liked the independence) then met up with Rick who took me to his downtown condo. It was very nice--much nicer than any place I'd ever stayed in before.

I remember odd things about this visit. Like the special drain cover he had in the shower to catch loose hair. Odd, eh?

The main reason Rick had me come was because he wanted to take me to see the Tutankhamen Exhibit that had come to the big museum there (was it the Royal Ontario Museum, Rick?)

I distinctly remember standing across the street from the museum in the lights of a city evening. The Museum was bright and exciting looking and I felt ... so ... special.

I remember the exhibit in great detail, but I think the really special thing was that Rick wanted to share it with me. Rick has always been an enigma to me, but he stands out in my memory with these big, tender things that make my heart swell with love for him. Like the time when I was a very little girl and he took me downtown to see the Santa Clause parade--he sat me on his shoulders for the whole time so I could see. It was the best parade ever.

I felt the exact same way at the Exhibit ... like I was on top of the world and Rick had put me there.

Fooled Ya!

I was going to respond to your comments and then realized there were just too many and they all followed a similar theme--that ya'll mysteriously seem to have this impression that I'm an awesome mom.

Oh how wrong you are.

Sure, I do dabble in awesome-ness from time to time, but unfortunately for me (or for my children, not sure which,) it's far too frequently to be added to my list of descriptive adjectives. Fooled ya, eh?

Here's an example of my complete LACK of awesomeness:

Two weeks ago the boys were asking me what they needed to do in order to be allowed to have a television in their room. "What if we got a tv ourselves--then could we have it in our room?" they'd ask in their high-pitched little voices.

"Uhh, nope," I responded, ever the voice of reason.

Then they trotted off, all a-giggle. My spidey-senses were tingling. They were up to something.

Turns out Xander had 'traded' a dragon for a television set from five-almost-six-year-old Parker, a cul-de-sac neighbor. Trading is strictly prohibited in our household, particularly when it involves expensive appliances, so back the tv had to go. And go it went.

THEN last week, Wednesday to be exact, the boys come dashing in the front door while I'm in the back of the house cleaning the kitchen (I KNOW!? What was I thinking?)

"We're going to play in my room, 'kay Mom?" Charlie hollered from the foot of the stairs.

"Who all is 'we'?" I asked. Because I'm nothing if not thorough, right?

"Just me and Xander and Parker."

"Okeydokey," I replied, oblivious to the wool that had been pulled down over my eyes.

The phone rang.

It was Jill my cul-de-sac neighbor, good friend and mom to Parker.

"Did your boys just come in with a television set?"

"Umm, no. At least I don't think so. I guess I'd better go check!"

I admit, my first response was to defend my kids. Parish the thought that they would be traipsing around the neighborhood with a tv AFTER I said that strictly prohibited. I DID say it was strictly prohibited, did I not?

At least I had the good sense to realize I might in fact not know my children as well as I thought I did.

I kept Jill on the phone--probably to prove to her that my boys were not guilty of the heinous crime she was guilty of--but also maybe to protect me--or rather them--if in fact they did have said tv in their room.

I stepped into Charlie's room, and at first couldn't see anything. I mean, anyone. Then I hear voices--coming from the toy box under the window.

The lid lifted when I came in, calling their names.

"Yeah, Mom?" Xan asks, his face all innocence.

"Do you guys have a television set in here?" I ask, my voice reflecting my confidence that they did not in fact have a stolen item of luxury hiding out in their room--even while I saw the tell-tale black cord creeping over the lip of the box from the plug on the outside.

"No!" Xander replied with a happy smile. A happy smile, that is, until he saw that I saw the black cord.

And then the lies really started flying. He saids and they saids and everyone said until I had to shout at them to be quiet so I could get to the point of the matter.

But first I had to tell Jill.

"Uhh, Jill? Yep, looks like the set is here," I said. No confidence now. Just defeat. My kids were going to be the death of me.

I tried to get the set out from the toy box but man it was heavy! How in the world did two seven year olds and one pint sized five year old heft that thing half a block down the street? I was glad when Jill met me almost at my door and took it from me.

I carried the remote.

We discussed possible torture methods as we walked back to her house. I felt utterly discouraged. Not only had my boys taken something that didn't belong to them (it didn't matter to me that Parker was in on it, I expect better of my guys,) but they had lied to me AND done it after I had already made them take the tv back once before.

Just so you know, this lying business has been an ongoing problem for these guys for the past while. I thought it was just stupid inconsequential stuff like "did you brush your teeth?" "YES" even while their teeth are growing green fuzz and probably have whole colonies of nasty germies building houses and raising families in there.

I'm a mean, mean mommy though and like I said, I'm nothing if not thorough. Those little boy-o's got themselves grounded to their rooms for two and a half days. The first day I even fed them dinner in their rooms. The next day I did let them out to eat and to do chores for me (aren't I nice?) but they missed some fun events they had planned because of their serious grounding.

My rationale though, was that I couldn't trust them not to disappoint me again before we went on our little vacation and I didn't want to go away with them feeling mad at them. So I locked them away in their dungeons/rooms and you know what? I'm not sorry. They have been sufficiently humbled--or so it would seem--and while they still are inclined to first lie when asked the innocuous "did you wash your hands" and the like questions, they are self-correcting (huzzah!) and I'm feeling a slight blush of awesomeness returning.

So go ahead and admire me, if you must. Perhaps I do deserve it, after all.

Preparing my Boys for Baptism

I'm so far behind in 'family' type posts. I wanted to tell you about a great Stake Conference I went to that made me really want to create a Christ-centered home. Then I wanted to tell you about the new scripture study program I've started with my boys using the Preach My Gospel manual. I really ought to tell you how it seems that Xan might have broken his nose the other day (but we don't know for sure yet.)

But I just can't keep up on it all!

However, I will tell you about this plan we have to help our boys better prepare for their baptism in three months.

Sure, we've been doing Family Home Evenings on the subject, but we felt like our boys needed more. Something to really connect them with their Heavenly Father and help them to recognize the Spirit in their lives.

On a Saturday, David was packing up his mom's things and found his old Blazer banner from when he was a kid. He packed it up and brought it home, then didn't think much more about it.

Then the other day we were discussing our concern for the boys and their preparation. We knew we wanted to give them a pewter knight in armor to represent putting on the whole armor of God, but weren't sure how to work it in, or how to do it, really.

David felt the whisperings of the Spirit and felt that his mom was trying to tell him something. Following the prompting, he found his Blazer banner and brought it to me, telling me that he thought we should do something like it for the boys.

A Baptism Banner, where they have activities they need to pass off, earning small medallions of some sort along the way, culminating in their having earned the whole armor of God.

So I created it!

The first thing is the Belt of Truth. There are a few scriptures to read, and the boys have to memorize the first four Articles of Faith.

Next is the Breastplate of Righteousness. Again a handful of scriptures, then the boys have to repent of something specific, taking all the steps for full repentance.

Then, the Sandals of Peace. A few scriptures, then plan, prepare and present a FHE on Baptism.

Next, is the Shield of Faith. Again some scriptures, then the boys have to practice choosing the right for a whole day, write about it in their journals and then tell me or David about it.

The Helmet of Salvation is probably the most difficult because after reading a few scriptures, they have to know the baptismal covenant. We're not going to require them to memorize them all, but they need to be able to tell them about it generally.

Finally, the Sword of the Spirit. For this they need to give a talk or read a scripture in Primary.

For each item they pass off, I put two metallic stars on the banner. When they've earned all their stars, they can earn their pewter knight and they'll have put on the whole armor of God.

something like this, but the one we got has a shield too ...

Happy Mother's Day!

Yeah, I know. It's no longer Mother's Day. But it's the week of, right? Surely it's not too late to post about my day.

Thing is, it was kind of bittersweet. We went to the cemetary to see Mom's grave. We hadn't been back since the funeral, so we hadn't seen the stone. We spent a good long while wandering aimlessly around the portion of the grounds that we thought her grave was. It was very disheartening and upsetting when we could not find it. Finally we called a brother of David's and were directed to the right spot. I guess our memories from that day were a little skewed.

So David was feeling a little sad. And Mother's Day is always a day when I think a lot about my own mom too. I usually try to do something nice for her - plant a lilac bush or something - but I didn't do anything this year. I found most of my thoughts going to Laura, David's mom.

But it wasn't all bittersweet. Some of it was just plain ... sweet.

For days before the holiday, my boys have been excitedly telling me they couldn't wait to give me their presents. They had made something at school that for the first time in their little lives they were really proud of.

They came to get me in the morning, hugs and snuggles galore, to wish me Happy Mother's Day. They brought their presents to me - they couldn't wait till breakfast or anything. Their teacher had provided 8x10 frames in which the boys put signs that tell why they love me. What the signs say is sweet, but it was the light shining in my boys' eyes that was most the rewarding.

David gave me a gift too, which is lovely, but mostly it was all the love showered upon me that made the day so special.

I am so grateful to be a mom. It took us a long, long time to get there - but man, it was worth the wait. These guys I've been given are true gifts from God and I take my calling as their mother very seriously.

I love them. And, selfishly, it feels sooo good to be loved by them.

Xan has taken it upon himself to be our decorator for all family events.

For Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween and Christmas

he puts up signs to celebrate.

I usually leave them up for a while because I love to see them!

Be My Journal

I'm way too exhausted tonight to write in my journal. But there were precious moments from today that I want to remember so here they go.

Today was a beautiful and sweet day - Mom's funeral - but I found it very, very hard. The boys were being typical little boys, really fine with the whole thing and not really connecting. I asked the boys if they wanted to go say goodbye to Gramma, and they said yes. But when we started to go up there and they caught a glimpse of her, Charlie broke down and Xander didn't want to go any further.

Instead I took them to the couch, where Charlie climbed up onto my lap. Xan was really fine, or at least acted fine. In fact, he said he was concentrating on being happy because that was what Gramma wanted. He said he felt sad, but he was choosing to be happy instead.

Charlie, on the other hand, just couldn't stay the flood of tears that burst through his dam, and in the face of his emotion, neither could I. So we cried together today a LOT.

During the program, Aleta's (David's sister) girls Melissa, Amy and Emily performed "I Am a Child of God." Charlie said "I remember when Gramma sang that with me," and the tears started again. He also said he knew she would like them playing that for her. I think he might have felt bad that he wasn't doing something for her, because later, when we sang the closing hymn he said "I'm going to sing, for Gramma."

Now, you've got to know that Charlie does not like to sing. Correction: He only likes to sing goofy songs he makes up. He doesn't sing in Primary or anything, in fact he said during the last Primary Program that "I love Jesus, I just don't like to sing!"

So when I heard the sweet voice of my tender hearted boy singing "God be with you till meet again," it was about all I could bear. He cried, I cried.

Tonight when I was tucking Charlie in, he prayed that God would take good care of Gramma and especially bless his Grampa and his Daddy that they wouldn't be too sad. Then he asked about if she could see us or anything, because he thought he felt her. I was so happy to tell him about the veil and how she would always be watching over us and if he thought he felt her, then she was probably there. Which of course made him cry more, but it made him feel so loved and happy that maybe she had come to tell him goodnight.

Anyway, kind of personal tonight, there's no need to comment. I just didn't want to forget all this and it would have taken me forever to write it all out longhand! So thanks for letting me share :)

Igneous, Sedimentary & Metamorphic

We've been talking a lot about the Plan of Salvation since Gramma got sick. What happens when we die? Is there a heaven? What is it like?

In the process, we've talked about the importance of family, the resurrection and eternal life.

At school the boys have been learning about the different types of rock.

Now tonight Xan says, the stages of rock are like the stages of life. Igneous is our life on earth. Sedentary is when we are waiting to be resurrected. Metamorphic is when we are resurrected and live forever with our family in the Celestial Kingdom.

And I just looked at this kid and had to say, "Umm, yup. Pretty much!"

I love it when my kids GET IT, and teach me stuff in the process. Pretty cool, eh?

Laura Lucy Johnson Cross Jan 1928 - Apr 2008

Last night my dear mother-in-law, Laura, passed away.

We are so thankful for the blessing of her death, which is a release for her spirit from the pain and suffering her body had endured far too long.

But we are so sad at her loss.

The world will just not be the same without her fun and silly attitude. She was full of life and loved her children and all people she came in contact with. She was the consummate mother. Everything she did, everything she said was geared to how she could help another. She believed in showing love and kindness and leading by example.

She loved the gospel and taught it constantly, in all she did. She never read her children bedtime stories, preferring instead to read them stories from the bible. She would send them to bed each night with "Shadrack, Meshack and In-To-Bed-You-Go!"

She loved to love her children, to hug them tight, to make them laugh.

When no one, even David and I, could figure Sam out, could handle him, could love him enough, Mom loved him.

When my babies would cry, Mom could hold them, bounce them, and quiet them.

She taught me to crochet. She taught me to bake bread. More importantly, she taught me how to be a better wife, mother, and even friend.

I love her and will always love her. She's spry and lively now, living among her loved ones, only a thought and a prayer away.

My Pitch with Lisa Mangum and an Update

Today was the first day of the LDStorymakers conference. I enjoyed boot camp, a couple workshops and ... a pitch session with Deseret Book editor Lisa Mangum.

I really enjoyed the workshops I attended today and my pitch session with Lisa. I learned about truly becoming a writer from Rachel Anne Nunes; about how to make writing a priority, setting goals and how to truly reach my dreams. I also took a class from Heather Moore and Julie Wright about building our first novel. Their presentation was interesting but I think I was hoping for a more meaty class, where instead we got the bones. Guess we need to put the meat on ourselves? Still, it was worthwhile.

And Julie met me in the hall and gave me a hug! I was so shocked by that, but so, so touched. Time and again she surprises me with her kindness and friendliness. Oftentimes nowadays people just aren't that friendly, they don't go out of their way to be kind, they don't step outside of themselves to cheer another. But Julie continues to do that for me and today with the hug, well, she made me feel loved. Thank you Julie!

OK, so the pitch. I was very pleased to discover that Lisa was very approachable and friendly. She has a great smile too. I don't know why, but I was expecting someone a lot more reserved and removed. I was happy to find her instead to be quite approachable and fun.

I pitched The Devil's Daughter and she received it well. She claimed to really like the idea and asked that I submit the first three chapters along with an additional chapter or two showing Desi's (the main character) moment of truth so to speak - the moment when she discovers the truth of her identity. She seemed to suggest that there may be a place for my book at ShadowMountain, but did express concern over the whole devil's daughter thing. That's why she needs to see the middle part of the book where Heavenly Father makes His presence known and Desi begins to see the truth in things. I have to trust that Lisa is far too busy to invite several chapters into her life unless she is sincerely interested in reading them. So ... I guess I choose to believe that the pitch was a success and, well ... yay!

And now for my update. I'll keep it brief because I've already written a lot here. Basically, Mom is still hanging on and it's hard. Hard on everyone who is waiting to say goodbye, hard on Mom and the continued pain and suffering. David has been spending every moment he can over at his parent's house. He has been wonderful to his Mom, and to me. This has been an extremely difficult time for him, and yet he is being sweet and thoughtful of me and my needs. I hope I have been equally kind in return, but I don't know.

We are praying for Mom's release from the bonds of this life. She needs to go, she needs to free.

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Goodbyes

We spent the afternoon, visiting with David's mom. She had her daughter Dianna call us this morning to let us know that Mom needed us to come by to say our goodbyes. She is walking in the narrow strip of land where the veil normally resides, partly in this world, partly in the other world. She is finding it harder and harder to come back to us, the pull from the other side is getting harder to resist. It's time.

Xander had a karate tournament this afternoon, which he did very well at. He won both his events! He was proud to show Grandma his medals, and she told him what a special boy he is - not just at karate, but at life. She told him she knows he's a good boy, and she's so proud of him.

I am proud of both my boys. Going to see a sick and dying old woman in a tiny house where you can't make a lot of noise and there's nothing really fun to do, can't be a whole lot of fun. I know I never really enjoyed that sort of thing. But my guys both say "Yes!" when we tell them we're going to see Grandma. Last night Charlie said he wished he could give his life for Grandma, so she could live. What a big heart that boy has.

Today they hugged their Grandma, and listened to her words of advice. She told them about death and what it would mean. She told them she was going to be with her mom and dad, and how happy that made her. One day, she said, we would all be together again. She encouraged them to make good choices so that she could see them again one day. She especially gave her attention to Charlie, who stood for several long moments while Grandma spoke to him and she stroked his face. Sweet boy cried when he said goodbye to his Grandma.

We had planned to leave the boys with friends tomorrow while we spend the day with the family, but Mom requested that we bring the boys with us. I was surprised by that, but she was insistent. I think we had our goodbyes today, we'll go tomorrow to be a family, to be united in showing our love and support of our Mother, Mother-in-Law, our Grandma. Should Mom leave us tomorrow, I hope she can go with a house full of family, hearing the laughter, the joy in love shared.

Connections, Inspiration and the Blessings of God.

Four years ago, David had been unemployed for about eleven months. In March of that year he had interviewed at a company called Northrup Grumman, a defense contractor. He hadn't heard back from them for a few weeks, so we figured he hadn't gotten the job, he hadn't been very well qualified for the job anyway. Then, a couple weeks later, when we had officially exhausted all our money and all our options, Northrup Grumman called. They had liked David so much that they had created a new job just for him. It was a real blessing. Heavenly Father knew our needs, knew our limits, and He blessed us.

The contract with Northrup Grumman lasted for about a year and during that time David had the opportunity to make some choices about how he would conduct himself. Time and again the Spirit whispered to him and he listened; going the extra mile to help another, taking the time to befriend someone who at first seemed unfriendly and unwelcoming, putting aside his own pride to back someone else's good idea instead of his own inferior one.

Now, four years later David is out of work again. Northrup Grumman called and wanted to interview David for a position they have open. Many of the people interviewing him were people David worked with on the previous project. This project sounded exciting and desirable to David, but he pretty much blew the interview. But, though he didn't do well, he continued to feel good about the job. So did I.

The next day I texted David from work and David told me that Northrup had called and asked for his references. In that moment, I knew David had the job. An hour later I couldn't contain myself, I was so excited. I texted David again saying "I'm so excited and jazzed! I think you got the job!" David wrote back, "You're so funny. I love you!" And then I knew I was totally right.

But, he insisted there was nothing to tell. I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling depressed because I couldn't reconcile the feelings of peace and happiness I was feeling and the "no news" David was telling me. I even called him at one point and asked if he really hadn't heard from the place, because I was sure he had. He insisted there was nothing to tell.

When I got home, the boys greeted with me with big smiles saying "We're going on errands!" and they all hussled me right back out the door. David said we were going to rent a movie and pick up a pizza, and that he had promised the boys we'd pick up some snacks at the grocery store. I can't express how sure I was that they were going to tell me he got the job! But still, nothing. No one said anything. Argh.

But ... the errands turned out to be pizza and a movie all right just at the actual movie theater because - guess what? - David got the job!

Bunch of stinkers leading me on all day. I couldn't believe how well the boys pulled it off, too! They're turning into some mighty fine liars!

So, the people David were kind to and made friends with four years ago at Northrup, were able to see past his missteps during the interview and offer him a job. I am so grateful that David is the kind of man he is, that he doesn't burn bridges wherever he goes, but rather is a bridge builder. He lifts people up, helps them to be their best, and in turn does his very best in all he does. I am so proud of him and very grateful for him.

The down side to this new job is that he will be working as an independent contractor, which means less money and no benefits. Guess it's a good thing I listened to the Spirit a few weeks ago when He told me I should pursue a job at Harland Clarke! We will need the extra income and the benefits I will receive from working there. He also won't get paid for oh, upwards of two months! Two months! Oy. Kind of stinks, eh?

But the pros seriously outweigh the cons. David will be given a top secret clearance and he'll be working on some amazing things that will be awesome for his career. I can't really talk about it because there are too many of you out there and I couldn't very well hunt you down and kill you, could I? *U* Like I said, I'm very proud of David.

I am fascinated with all the connections in this story. The six degrees of separation and all that. Fascinated and grateful for the whisperings of the Spirit. Thankful for Heavenly Father's love and concern. He cares enough to send those whisperings that we might follow the right path, make the right choices, that will allow Him to bless us.

The Thinking Republican

My hubby is a political news junkie. And so it stands to reason that he is also a big THINKER about this sort of thing. He came up with these bumper stickers that he wanted to have for himself, and thought others might like to have them too. Here's a portion of what he wrote on his own blog, and if you click on the buttons you could buy one for yourself too!

~~

Join me and thousands of others in letting people know just how you feel about the decree from Florida, the New York Times and the media, that we should elect McCain by proudly displaying one of our fine bumper-stickers on your SUV.

$6.34 3"x10" bumper sticker
(please allow ten days for delivery as order volume is high)

$6.25 3"x10" bumper sticker
(please allow ten days for delivery as order volume is high)
p.s. RINO = 'Republican In Name Only'

A Happy Family

Recently I expressed to you how much I depend on my husband, what a support and comfort he is to me. Today I went to apply for a job. I am so conflicted about this. I had the opportunity to apply for a position that could allow me to work for 30 hours a week and receive medical insurance for my family for a reasonable price. Considering the alternative, this would be a great blessing for us. BUT, I can't stand the idea of not being there for my boys.

Since I had a very special spiritual experience before I was married about the importance of motherhood, I have considered caring for my children to be THE job I was sent to earth to do.

I had spent my growing up years anticipating the career I would one day have. I was going to be a constitutional lawyer, perhaps even Prime Minister of Canada! Even after I was married, I enjoyed a lot of success in the jobs I held. I especially enjoyed a job that could have become a wonderful career in human resources; when I left the job I was the Human Resource Manager for a large locomotive manufacturer with over 1500 employees under my jurisdiction.

Yet, motherhood called, and I gave it all up to answer that call.

My children did not come easy, nor has it ever been easy for me to be a mother. Yet, I feel so strongly about it and feel immensely blessed by it.

Now, I may have to go to work to help my family bridge the gap a little bit. My dear sweet hubby does not want me to have to go to work, bless him. He feels his responsibility to provide for us as strongly as I feel to nurture this family. It would only be a temporary thing, yet I'm so worried about it! I worry that once I start working ... I'll be trapped.

David will not make me work a moment longer than I have to work. He will do all that he can in the meantime to ensure that I don't even have to start. President Hinckley said:

“I believe in the family where there is a husband who regards his companion
as his greatest asset and treats her accordingly;
where there is a wife who looks upon her husband as her anchor and strength,
her comfort and security; where there are children who look to mother and father with respect and gratitude; where there are parents who look upon those children
as blessings and find a great and serious and wonderful challenge
in their nurture and rearing"
("Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley" (1997), 205.

This is my family. David loves me and wants me to be home. He treats me like a Queen and only wants me to be happy. David is most assuredly my anchor and my strength. Together, we can weather this storm. Even if I do have to go to work.

I Promise ...

I will not become one of *those* places/blogs/people who is forever complaining about their tough life situations. However, in the spirit of honesty and openness, I want you to know (haha) that David got laid off today.

I know? Sucks, eh? Even if you don't like that word ... sssssuuuucccckkkkssss .... is truly the right word.

So, if you're 'in the know' and can hook my man up, by all means, email me! He's a computer security specialist, a programmer in many languages and just all 'round brilliant computer guy. He's won awards and holds patents and would be an asset to any company. I swear!

And that's all I'm gonna say on the subject.

Now ... Back to our regularly scheduled programming ...